Out of the immense sadness of the break-up of a relationship, that both partners felt was going to be the one, one where they had met their soul mate, Courtney Marie Andrews has created one of the most desolate, achingly, beautiful albums I have heard in a long, long time.
There has always been a trace of sadness in the voice of Courtney Marie Andrews. That is one of the qualities that has made her one of the most beguiling vocalists of her generation. The fact that on ‘Old Flowers’ she has lived these words, make her renditions, all the more heartbreaking.
This album is about loving and caring for the person you know you can’t be with. It’s about not being afraid to be vulnerable after you’ve been hurt. It’s about a woman who is alone, but okay with that if it means truth.
There is consistency in the high quality of the songwriting throughout the album. Each song is a little gem in its own right but, pieced together, they produce a work of heartbreaking intensity.
I don’t see you that way. Not the way I did before. I’m not your object to break. You can’t hold me like I’m yours. I don’t see you that way anymore. So please go home now. I can sleep on my own. I am alone now but I don’t feel alone.
There is a timeless quality to these songs, stripped to the bare instrumental bones and drenched in aching emotion. Imagine Patsy Cline singing ‘Blood on the Tracks’. Really, it’s that good.
What a goddamn mess. Fate is such a joke but I hope one day we’ll be laughing together or alone. But the grass is always greener when it’s something you can’t see.
The album is about love that is a perfect fit – for a time. It is about loss in total, and all the baggage of emotions that departure brings; denial, resentment, guilt, and hopefully resolution for oneself. And, if you’re brave and compassionate enough, the other person.
Take this example of the struggle of refusal to accept responsibility from the record’s musically most upbeat song ‘It Must Be Someone Else’s Fault’:
Oh, but it must be someone else’s fault, must be someone else’s heart that’s tainted mine. No, I cannot be to blame for the story of this pain. Oh, it must be someone else’s fault.
Love and love lost is the subject matter of more songs than any other human experience so it requires something really fresh, and yet universal to excite, and stand out from all the classic cris de coeur of the past. This album has it in spades.
The songs are exquisite pieces of writing, beautiful synopsis of pain in 3-4 minutes. Each one is borne out of a 9-year relationship, that “became a complicated mess too hard to untangle”. Speaking to Folk and Tumble two years ago, she suggested just how personal these songs were:
I mean ‘Honest Life’ was quite personal but it was almost guarded. I mean, it was personal, but these new songs are very close to me. They feel like revealing myself in ways I haven’t before.
There is a power and a vulnerability in Andrews’ voice, an innate control and versatility, and everywhere there is a sense of sadness. Those qualities have been present through all her albums and can be heard again on her version of ‘Downtown Train’ on the recent Tom Waits cover album.
On ‘Old Flowers’, there is a real maturity of emotion. Even when the romantic love has gone, there is an overarching wish for the other person to be well, to find new love, to be happy in the knowledge that they were able to share some experiences and time as one.
I hope you that you find what it is you’re looking for. I’m just proud to have loved you enough to ask for more. In some other lifetime would you pick me again? Would I have chosen to stay and see us through until the end?
This is music for anyone who has had their heartbroken and will ring a resonance with many. Following on from her two stellar albums, ‘Honest Life’ and ‘May Your Kindness Remain’, this is Courtney Marie Andrews’ most assured work yet.